before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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