we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
