I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
