1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Never joke about your clitoris.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
