hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think my moral compass just broke
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
