Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
