your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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