I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
