One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
