i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
