So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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