Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
