don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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