I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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