it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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