You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
