remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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