There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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