I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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