I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
