2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You ruined the universe
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
