dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
