dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
