I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
