i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can I color on your dick again?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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