Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
