my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
