She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This is the prime rib incident all over again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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