After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
