And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just want to make out with him forever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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