i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
