The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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