you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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