"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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