I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
