so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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