You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
