Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
