Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize