i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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