it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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