I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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