I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
