If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
