Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
