When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
