i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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