You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's always time for handjobs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
