hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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