if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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