she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
PANTIES FOUND
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