I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
