apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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