make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
