we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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