somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
