hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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