We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
