If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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