After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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