I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
