So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't deserve a penis
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who died my cat blue again?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
