She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
