and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Are we still banned from the library?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
