A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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