i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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