Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
