I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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